Princess RPG

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You're in your shared dorm room, listening to Black Veil Brides and eating edibles- You're pretty stoned but you're pretty sure your name is <<textbox "$hero" "" autofocus>> What you aren't sure about is how many hours you've been in this languid, catatonic state. [[You look up at the clock]]

<<set $friend to "Will Ferrel">> <img src="./Meltingclock.jpg" alt="An image of a melting clock."> ...which proves to be a horrible idea. <img src="./elf.png" alt="elf."> $friend pokes you from across the sofa with an unreadable expression before gesturing to a figure standing on top of his [[coffee table.]] He's wearing a green elf custume for some reason.

<<set $boyfriend to "Sonic">> <img src="./Sonicfeet.jpg" alt="Sonics little piggies."> Hey $hero! where are did you hide my enchiladas? I need them for ME time. That is your boyfriend $boyfriend. He can be a real jerk about his enchiladas. Unfortunately you don't have his toasted cheese cylinders. You do vaguely remember borrowing them though... Where did you put them? [[The Lawnmover Gas Tank Serving As A Paper Weight]] or [[The Striped Socks Preqariously Hanging From The Ceiling]]

<<set $location to "gas tank" >> OH HECK!!! In your high state you must have stuffed them all into that stupid gas tank $friend keeps insisting is gonna sell on ebay any day now! [[WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO???]]

<<set $location to "striped socks" >> You can't fully take credit for the idea of testing the aerodynamics of enchiladas in striped tube socks stapled to a dying ceiling fan. That one was mostly $friend's. [[WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO???]]

<img src="./Sonicangry.png" alt="GRR."> $boyfriend is tapping his big feet on $friend's coffee table angrily. What are you going to do $hero? [[Break up with him.]] - [[Tell the truth!]]

You just have to tell the truth! Surely he'll love you despite your enchilada related transgressions right? right? "So... $boyfriend... I know you're mad but.... they are kinda sorta in the $location." $boyfriend stares at you first with a deep look of betrayal for a moment that seems to stretch on for minutes... Silence hangs in the room until finally; "I KNEW MY DAD WAS RIGHT ABOUT YOU $hero!!!" He punches the drywall hard enough to leave a glove-shaped hole, a single tear rolling down his eye. <<if $location is "striped socks">> $boyfriend manages to shake up the wall so good that a lukewarm enchilada stuffed sock splatters right across his face! The hedgeheg screams in terror and then rage as he struggles to get out of his spines! Eventually the ruined garment is on the ground getting stomped on by $boyfriend's big blue feet. <</if>> <<if $location is "gas tank">> $boyfriend takes the $location into his shaking hands before throwing it straight out the window. The rusty and entirely worthless ebay curio *THUNKS* against a tree trunk only to land on the car parked beneath, splattering the windshield with enchilada and denting the hood. $boyfriend realizes that the car in question is in fact his very own MARVELVSCAPCOM 3 branded camaro. He screams in rage, before breaking down in tears. <</if>> Before you or $friend can even react, he's activated his wrist communicator, mumbling something into the reciever while glaring at you. In the blink of an eye he's out of the room. The shadow of a vaguely eggshaped hovercraft flashes across your window as Doctor Eggman lands in the parking lot. You stagger to the windowsil, too stoned to really comprehend that your boyfriend $boyfriend is flying away with his dad, wailing something about getting his heart crushed. You only later find out that the blue bastard stole your 360. <img src="./The end.jpg" alt="The end.">

Honestly $boyfriend has really been going too far with his enchilada's lately. At first it was sorta cute how he hated liberals and vegans, and you did sorta find his devotion to G-fuel kinda allouring, but now three months into your relationship you've come to realize that you're worth more than expired coupons to olive garden and dates that only consist of breaking into movie theaters and eating floor popcorn because your boyfriend was too much of a whimp to steal them from the twelve year olds one row down. Not to mention his enchilada/foot focused onlyfans that he insists he hosts in your dorm room closet because "the sound is the best in there." Really it was because the local McDonalds wouldn't let him mooch off their free wifi anymore, along with ruining their bathroom with competing fastfood items. You've frankly had enough. "$boyfriend! your taste in mexican food is mediocre and $friend gives way better back rubs! I'm breaking up with you!!!!!" <<if $location is "striped socks">> You confidently walk over to the lights switches on the wall, along with the ceilingfan controls. With one single motion you crank that abused machine up to eleven, slinging the $location filled with enchilada at mach five splattering up against the wall. $boyfriend falls to his knees, trying to pick up the pieces. He can't. Neither the mexican food nor his relationship with you is salvageable. Deprived of both his pride and enchilada's, $boyfriend races out of your dingy dorm room, never to be seen again. Later on you realize that he left his prize collection of lego starwars clonetroopers in mint condition behind. Score! <</if>> <<if $location is "gas tank">> You confidently walk over to $friend's ebay destined $location, taking it in your hands and turning it upside down, shaking it vigorously right in front of $boyfriend. He watches in horror as greasy bits of enchilada fall out onto the floor, tears rolling down his cheeks. The blue speedster falls to the ground, curling up into a ball, grasping at the ruined bits of mid mexican food. He curses god in his own language, or rather he just screams something about reddit chads always getting the goat... You really aren't sure, but it was this kind of drama that led you to your decision. $friend bemoans his ruined carpet, but you don't care. You're finally rid of the blue bastard and his opinionated enchilada masturbation. Later on you realize that he left his prized collection of custom made lord of the rings themed sterling silver d20 dice. Score! <</if>> <img src="./The end.jpg" alt="The end.">

You're in your shared dorm room, listening to Black Veil Brides and eating edibles- You're pretty stoned but you're pretty sure your name is

What you aren't sure about is how many hours you've been in this languid, catatonic state. You look up at the clock